DeathRainbow.

Everything is such a fucking mess of swirls of dark, deranged colors.

I have no release now, you see. No razor to free my tears. No safety pin to pierce my ear. No words to type to her. No phone to text my friend.

Everything just sits in my head, swirling into a destructive black hole.

I..really..don't know what to think.
Too many times over the last few days, I've fought with what tree I should hang from. What belt I should use to tie my neck to my bed. What place I could go to in order to.die.cease.my.breath.end.my.heart.beat.

Then.You. We haven't talked in days, I know, love. It's hard. And, I couldn't leave you.
Because along with the thought of death, the hope that we can see each other, live together, with smiles, and babies, and children, and love comes to my head.
Because I hate the fact that my death would leave you here alone and not with the hopes to survive.
Because I can't do that to you and I hate that you're the only thing keeping me alive.
Because I want our future together, so badly, but I want to GET OUT of here so, so fucking badly.