I told you Goodnight

But you REFUSED to stay away. Goodnight means GOODBYE. You aren't supposed to call back that night, you aren't allowed to RETURN to my head. You aren't accepted inside TWICE on the first night we meetagain.

Diagonal meets horizontal meets vertical. /|/|/ You left me such a mess and didn't bother staying to clean me up.
Put on a pair of black shorts. Blood doesn't show through that.
Wipe up the blood that drippeddownyourleg.
Okay. Goodbye.


Oh, but now I'm left alone? Thanks, friend, thanks a whole FUCKING lot.


But then she comes, and she makes me smile and she makes me flutter and soar and glide.
She came for me when I needed her, and shesavedme she made me happy. She made me love her and she sent me happy and fluttery and soaring into sweet, sweet dreams.

Done..fornow.

The crying's over now. You didn't force me to shed too many tears. Just enough to feel a littlepangofpain.

Sleep for now, Temptation. Goodnight.

Calling

Callingme. "Danielle. Danielle. Come on up. Come to where we can be together, just you and I. Us together, paired with the razor's edge. Let's create those prettylittlelines again. Watch the river run red again."

Flows and flows and drips and falls. Careful now, oh, on the floor now. More cleaninguptodo. Wipe now, don't let them slither too far down. The rivers know no breaking point. No dams now. Break loose. Fall.Slither.Drownme.

Like videos you play yourself in my head. GetoutGETOUT, I scream. LEAVE ME ALONE. But you welcome yourself inside, nothing can keep you away. I'll set up a table for two then, with one extra plate. Like the cup for Elijah, but not so holy; not so spiritual. Just you, me, and my razor on the pretty plate.

It's a date, right? We'll chat. Get to know each other again. Visitation and awkward times will pass, then comes the dinner. It's just quiet; no need for discussion. We fall back into our old habits, old routines I kept away for so long. [11days]. Will we embrace tonight? I don't know yet.. I don't know..

You'll hold me close, if we do. Keep me from slipping up. Just enough to keep me sane.

Call me, we'll set up a date, we'll talk, we'll embrace. You and me and my littlefriend.

What is it?

Personification poem for English class. I actually really like it.

She sends rays to peak over distant shores.
Time passes and they reflect off of the millions of particles scattered for miles on the ground.
Swelling waters absorb each breath of yellow
Creating blues like ice crystals and greens like sea glass.
Swirled together, whirlwinds of color.
As she greets the sky, she illuminates the world, kissing each being awake.
Her messengers light up all darkness and she forces the demons into hiding.
From orange, to pink, to blue, the heavens shift to accommodate to her glow.

Temptations

[Iremembered.]

You're back, hah. I haven't missed you. Hah. Welcome, my friend. It's been so long, yet, you're back so soon.

Haha. Why?
Why are you back here? Get out of my fucking head. I DON'T WANT YOU. Yes, yes I do. Welcome back, sincerely, welcome back. I've missed you. Your pullings, urges, pushes. It's all back now.

Do I want to fight you off? Pull harder, fight the urges, push against you? Not at all. Yeah, totally. I'll kick your ass, Temptation. Throw you on the ground and beat you. Don't come around here, this is MY territory. Embrace me, Temptation. Hold me close and tear me apart.

It's been so long, and I'm crumbling, remember? I can't fight you for very long. But, but.. I have to..

Forgetful

I had a blog to write, it was a good one too. All planned out in my head, ready to be typed out. But I fuckingforgot. Damnit.

Timeless Anger

It's reached that point, so close to breaking. From here on out, maybe I can't see past it, but wakeupschoolsoftballhomework. Do I get to breathe? Have I even had TIME to sleep? How long can I last on this?
Is there a point where we just crumble? If so, I'm surly so close to being there. Shatterundertheweight. THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH I CAN TAKE.

Good grades.
Study.
Play well.
Don't complain about being tired.
Study.
Not allowed to be tired.
No bad grades.
Study.
Study.
Study.
SAT.
ACT.
AP tests.
Study.
Study.
Study.
Don't breathe.
Study.
No sleep for you.
Study.

"I just thought of something to say, but then I forgot."
"Maybe it was that you were going to say you'll be responsible today and get all your work done?"
Followed by a rolling of the eyes and a silent car ride home.

Hush hush. Don't say anything to show you're not mad.
Don't break the silence. Stay mad. Forgive her, she's trying. Don't say anything to show you're not mad. Hush hush. Shut down your thoughts, you're not allowed to say that.
What happens if the pool overflows from the rain? Can't say that, no, you're mad.
Goodbye, thoughts. You're not allowed here. Stayquiet. Mouthclosed. Armscrossed. Mad.

:]

Oh my dear, I love that girl so much.

BackandForth

Hopeful.

Happiness.

Love.

Relationships.

Friendship.

Simplicity.

Belonging.

Drive.

Willingness.

Support.

All these things have diminished. Without them, I am left alone.

Alone.

Despair.

Deserted.

Depressed.

Hopeless.

Fearful.

Scared.

Stressed.

Are what I'm left with.
And I can't take it anymore.
Someone needs to help me.
Someone needs to pull me out of this rut.
I can't do it myself, I've been trying for oh so long.
It sounds like I'm pleading, begging if you will.
But I don't know what else to do.
I'm out of ideas, out of hope.

Bus Stop

I was walking down to the bus stop and it was snowing. In front of the street light it looked like glitter shaken out of a container instead of snow. Each flake was reflected perfectly by the light to
give it the most pure twinkle. Below my feet the snow on the ground crunched softly; it barely had time to ice over, though. Nevertheless, each step was like a symphony of snow flake crunches.

Cover Me

Under the streetlight, the snowflakes drift. Cascading down, altered by even the slightest breeze. Complete chaos, yet under the wind's complete control.It sticks to the trees, as if they've, so suddenly become those plastic, white Christmas trees.Everything is covered. Even the single tire tracks in the street. Anything and everything can be erased tonight. Footprints. Tire tracks. Mistakes. They're all covered by the snow. For a while, we don't have to care. For a while we can cover everything up and be pure.

LayingWatchingItFall

While I was waiting for someone to show up to my house, I was laying in the snow on a sled. Everything but my eye area was covered up. As each snow flake fell, it made a bit of a ping on impact, then danced and twinkled on my skin as it melted. While this was happening, I couldn't help but feel like it was a bit purifying. The snow, to me, is so clean and untouched and pure. Each flake that fell on me was something like a little miracle. Just the snow. So simple but so complex in it's structure. So under appreciated.

Poem

That I had to write for English class. It turned out okay, so I'm posting it here.

I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Well, I sure wish I knew.
All this wishful thinking,
taking me down a path
hopefully it leads somewhere.
I don’t want to end up nowhere,
lost with no place to go.
Things would need to change, like
every year, on birthdays -
where merry singing and happy times
mark this change.
But does this change, solely in age, in fact
change who I am?
Maybe who really I am is occluded.
Maybe with some digging,
some pushing around,
some searching,
I can find my Real Self.


What is Love?
Love is hiding behind the next door.
Love is buried beneath piles of lust.
Love is obscured by hazy eyes.
Love is as soft, as comforting as cotton on a wound.
Love is as a song, building up slowly
and then a climax full of twists and turns,
complexity at its finest.
And then again, Love can be found
simply by looking inside
at my Real Self.
My Love is essential as a summer’s wind.
It defines me.
Defines how I feel
Defines my Real Self.

We'reFINE, right?

TwistTIEburnDIE.
BleedBEGholdFORGET.
SLIPfallENDless.
YESnoyesNO.
FINEnoYESyes.
FINEBLEEDDIEBEG.
HOLDFORGETFADE.

RiverRanRed

Do you see the pain I cry?
Not with tears. No.
Those are long gone.
With the blood, the hopelessness, the fakesmilesandcutelaughs.
Drip.
Drip.
Watchitslitherdown.
Cry for me.
Cry.
Bleed.
Watchitcreateriversonme.
The Red Sea. Right here. Right on me.
Part it.
What do you see?

Her, oh her..

My prettygirl. Prettyprincess. The one who shines and creates rainbows from her crystals. She may be a bit cracked, but if she thinks I mind, oh no. I don't. Her cracks create colorful designs to see.


That girl, do you know her? The one that makes me smile, forces my heart to sing, sends radiations of flutters throughout my body. I know her.
She's.. stunning. She stuns me. Makes me wonder how did I deserve this? How could I, that girl who sat alone, be given such an amazing opportunity to feel love and such an amazing person to love, and to love me?
Now, those of you who have your doubts, don't feel alone. We have them too. About when we're going to see each other, how we're going to make everything work. Do not doubt our love. No. That would be a mistake.
You see here? This little paragraph, this small post proves my love for her so there are no errors in our calculations.
That night + confessions = 45 days miraculously spent with a pregnant love growing steadily.
Her + me = love.

See here. No errors can be found; no uncertainty detectable.

I love her.
She loves me.
It's all too real, too scary, too incredible.
But. It. Is. Real.
Very real.
And I must remind myself every day that she cares and she loves and she is.

I love her, truly and with my whole heart.
Doubt it and you will be proven wrong.
Believe and hope there is some love for you out there.

Upcoming

The next few posts will consist of things I've written in the past but haven't done anything with.

Hello my new home

Usually, I'm not one to write things down, document, keep track of what's going on. But I think maybe, this could help me. Write out things to straighten them out in my head.
That's what this is for. I'm hidden here, nobody can see me unless they look. Look hard enough, maybe you'll come across something worth seeing.